♪♪
♪ Yip bi di dit bip bi-ee-i-di-dit ♪ ♪ Wander over yonder ♪
♪ Wander wander over over yonder yonder wander yonder ♪
♪ Yip bi di dit bip bi-ee-i-di-dit ♪ ♪ Wander over yonder ♪
All right! Hater!
♪ Yip bi di dit bip bi-ee-i-di-dit ♪ ♪ Wander over yonder ♪
♪ Wander over, over yonder ♪
♪ Wander yonder wander yonder ♪
♪ Yip bi di dit bip bi-ee-i-di-dit ♪ ♪ Wander over yonder ♪
PEEPERS: Oh, no.
If the Black Cube gets the Ring of Invincibility,
he'll be unstoppable.
( laughter )
- ( knocking at door ) - Cube! Hey, Cube!
I know you're in there.
Where's my rent, blockhead?
( loud chanting )
Oh, no, you ain't pullin' that soul-sucking
Latin mumbo-jumbo again.
E pluribus you owe me money, Cube.
You got 24 hours,
or you're out on your hexahedronic heinie.
Got it?
Ah, that's what I get for renting to a has-been villain.
♪ I'm just a little black cube ♪
♪ Of darkness, a little black cube ♪
♪ Of darkness ♪
♪ Black cube of darkness ♪
♪ A little black cube ♪
♪ My edges are sharp ♪
♪ My corners are pointy ♪
♪ My complexion's opaque ♪
♪ Just looking, yeah, looking for a place to fit in ♪
♪ But I'm never the right shape ♪
( phone rings )
( answering machine beeps )
WOMAN: Hi, Cube.
It's Stacy. Listen.
We have to break up.
I mean, I'm a nice girl,
you're a concentrated block of pure evil.
It's just not a good fit.
Bye.
( machine beeps again )
♪ I'm just a little black cube ♪
♪ Of darkness ♪
♪ A little black cube of darkness ♪
♪ A little black cube ♪
Good morning.
Need a hand?
( Cube chants angrily )
Wander, that is the Black Cube of Darkness.
We gotta get outta here
before he sucks out our souls.
Aw, Syl, it never hurts to help.
Do you know how often you say that
immediately before we actually get hurt?!
( angry chanting )
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey there, friend.
Yeah, you.
Having a rough day?
Been there. But take it from me,
a bad attitude only makes it rougher.
Learn to let go of anger,
and you won't have to suffer.
It's a beautiful day.
♪ Listen to the birds sing, look at the sunshine ♪
♪ Let them be your guide, and you'll be feelin' fine ♪
( celestial choir vocalizing )
That's the spirit.
♪ Takin' a positive attitude now ♪
♪ Won't let things drag me down ♪
♪ Folks start to panic, I won't get all manic ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm floating off the ground ♪
♪ My contours are sleek, my surface is shiny ♪
♪ Nothing gets in my way ♪
♪ My upbeat composure's gonna help me find closure ♪
♪ What a wonderful day ♪
♪ I'm a little black cube of sunshine ♪
♪ A black cube of sunshine ♪
♪ Black cube of sunshine ♪
- ♪ A little black cube ♪ - ♪ He's a little black cube ♪
( screaming )
( whistling )
( horns honking )
Look at this joker.
He's all, like, "Good day to you, sir.
I am a shape."
What a square.
It's funny 'cause he's different from us.
Oh, my stars and garters.
Oh, why, thank you so much.
What a polite young... ( shrieks )
It's the villainous Black Cube of Darkness.
He's come to steal my soul.
Help, police! Help!
Well, well, well.
Look who finally decided to show up for his shift.
You're lucky I need you on the register,
or I'd kick you out on your parallelepiped posterior.
Now get out there!
What a coinky-dink.
Hello again.
Uh, yeah, hi.
I trust you enjoyed your brisk morning walk.
I can't believe you work here.
You are so lucky. What a noble profession--
feeding the hungry, brightening up people's day.
I would like a triple pickle pie
and the honor of providing you
with a gratuity for all of your fine work.
Ahem.
What a coinky-dink.
If it isn't our old friend.
Let's see.
I'll take a quadruple splatty melt, no cheese,
no pickles, extra cheese, seven pickles...
ketchup, catsup, no sesame seeds of the top bun,
glue 'em onto the bottom bun, throw out the bun
and put the whole thing in a wrap,
a jumbo extra-small half-curly half-straight fries,
and a diet Thunderblazz.
Now my associate will have...
You know you're fired, right?
♪ Actin' all chummy, try to help out somebody ♪
♪ But they freak out, then I freak out ♪
♪ Try to make conversation, but before I am able ♪
♪ Well, I freak out ♪
♪ Then they freak out ♪
♪ Black cube of darkness ♪
♪ Little black cube of darkness ♪
♪ Black cube of darkness ♪
♪ Little black cube ♪
Oh, look at me. I'm having a sad moment of soul searching.
( derisive laughter )
Must've lost his edge.
Cubes have edges.
Ooh, I'm so scared.
Look, I'm chicken, too.
Ooh, what a loser.
( laughs )
Help me. Help me!
He spent so much time working on sick burns
that he never learned to swim.
What are we gonna do?!
Ew! Get your cube off of me, you cube.
I don't want your...
What... what happened?
Oh, my grop.
He totally sucked out your soul!
That was your plan the whole time, wasn't it?
In fact, I think maybe you pushed me off that bridge.
♪ Take a deep breath, don't do anything crazy ♪
♪ Just don't freak out, no, don't freak out ♪
♪ It's a misunderstanding ♪
♪ Sure that they'll understand it ♪
♪ Unless they don't understand it ♪
♪ They never do understand it ♪
♪ But don't freak out ♪
♪ Never freak out ♪
( voice distorts )
We gotta help him, Syl.
Wander, no. Wait.
Black cube, please, don't freak out.
Wander!
This is all your fault!
He was only trying to help you.
How could you do this to him?
You should all be ashamed of yourselves.
This guy saved that kid's life.
All he wanted was to be a good guy for once,
but you're all so focused on the bad stuff
that you never looked for the good stuff inside him.
I mean, heck, after what you all put him through,
I don't blame him for freaking out.
Haven't any of you ever had a lousy day?
My twin brother forgot to call me on my birthday.
I didn't make the soccer team.
I did make the soccer team, but I hate soccer.
I'm suffering from a distinct case of ennui.
Also, I use words I don't understand to sound important.
And my best friend and I are on the run
from a series of evil villains,
but that doesn't mean we go out and ruin
someone else's day.
Sometimes, the only solution is to tell someone,
I'm sorry you had a bad day.
♪ We're all just little black cubes ♪
♪ Of darkness ♪
♪ Little black cubes of darkness ♪
♪ Little black cubes ♪
Sector G, hall one, all clear.
Sector G, hall two, all clear.
Sector G, hall three...
Oh! Hi.
I didn't see you there.
Hey, you know, you're not really allowed in here.
Top secret security stuff. ( laughs )
But if you've ever wondered about what keeps
Lord Hater's galactic domination machine running,
well, then, you're in for a real treat,
because it's time for...
This is Eye On the Skull Ship.
I'm Andy, your humble host,
and I'd like to welcome you to a very special episode.
We all know that life on the skull ship
can be tedious at times.
One routine work day
seamlessly blending into the next.
But today is going to be different.
Today, I'm proud to bring you...
( imitates drum roll )
A one-on-one with Lord Hater!
( chortles )
That's right. I put in a formal request
to interview our esteemed leader and...
- ( buzzer sounds ) - Oh, my gracious!
Maybe that's Hater now. Okay.
Hello. You're live on Eye On the Skull Ship
with Andy, chief security monitor--
I know who you are, Andy.
This is Commander Peepers.
Once again, your request to interview Lord Hater
has been rejected on grounds that it's not your job
to make this stupid show!
Well, it's not my job, per se,
but you know, I think it's my duty to help enlighten--
Just keep an eye on your sector.
Yes, sir. Always do.
No, you don't!!
Well, slight change of plans.
Looks like we won't be talking to Lord Hater.
But fret not, dear viewers.
I know you're dying to see him,
and I won't give up until I give you...
( stammering ) what you want.
In the meantime, I bet you're wonderin'...
What's for lunch?
( sighs ) That's right.
It's the 453rd time we find out
exactly what the Watchdogs are eating for lunch.
Excuse me, fellow Watchdog.
What refreshing and replenishing meal
has been graciously given to you
by our generous leader Lord Hater?
Oh, wow.
Uh, hi.
Um, apparently, I have never been on live television before,
and apparently, I'm having enchiladas.
Apparently.
Fascinating.
- And what delicious-- - Enchiladas!
( all cheering )
Enchiladas!
Chef, tell us, enchiladas.
Was this meal specifically chosen
by Lord Hater's decree?
Uh... no.
Taco Tuesday was yesterday,
so there was leftovers,
and I decided to make, uh, enchiladas.
Hmm, interesting.
So does Lord Hater like enchiladas?
I don't know.
All I know is, I didn't want the stuff to go to waste,
so I reused it today.
Hm, yes. But Lord Hater--
See, the thing with...
The thing with ground beef is, you gotta...
Self-defense, where the Watchdogs closest to Hater,
his elite ground troops,
learn the fine art of conquering.
And if we're lucky,
Lord Hater might make a surprise pop-in
to inspect the troops.
To be the best takes months of intense training
in areas like Advanced Sylvia Defense...
And, of course, Wander Avoidance Tactics.
I know he wants to be your friend.
I know he wants to play carnival games.
I know he knows all your names,
and birthdays,
and how you like to spend a rainy Sunday
with a crossword and a cup of chamomile.
I mean, he is really not such a bad guy.
No! Wander is pure, unadulterated love.
I'm sure our resident drill instructor
has a host of exciting Hater stories to share with us.
You're darn right I do. One time...
Andy!
Why aren't you at your post?
Uh, gotta go. See you next time.
We are live from Level H8,
Hater's private floor.
Only Watchdogs in Hater's inner circle
are allowed on this level.
I hope to speak with someone close to the big man himself.
Though it's risky, it's worth it,
because this is the story every Watchdog is waiting for.
I wonder who we'll...
Oh, my gosh.
That was Captain Tim, Lord Hater's personal pet.
This is a sure-fire exclusive.
We're here with Lord Hater's personal pet and dog walker.
Wow. What I wouldn't give to work so closely
- with our great leader. - Be my guest.
Welcome again to Eye On the Skull Ship.
Thanks to some of the guys in the infirmary,
I was able to secure an exclusive place
at one of Hater's rallies! Whoo... ow, ow!
( Hater speaking indistinctly )
Fear not, viewers.
Though I can barely see or hear
our esteemed leader, I assure you,
I will get at least some of the Hater coverage you demanded.
( Hater continues speaking )
He's talking about his hated rival Lord Dominator.
Boo!
And now he's saying... he'll conquer... her heart?
That can't be right.
( Peepers shouting indistinctly )
Well, Peepers seems to be getting very upset about this.
Hater's pulling out what appears to be some kind of...
It's the T-shirt cannon!
( groaning )
Oh... "I heart Dominator."
Oh, boy.
Hello, all.
After a serious close call with Commander Peepers,
your humble host has decided to do the show
entirely from the safety of his security office,
so he won't get fired.
But you won't believe who stopped by
for a little chat with us.
The one and only Lord Hater!
Hi, Andy. It sure is an honor to be here.
Huge fan of the show.
Really? Oh, well, sir,
that really means the world to me.
And each and every one of you Watchdogs
mean the world to me, Andy.
In fact, I'd like to thank all the Watchdogs
for their tireless service.
They're truly the backbone of the skull ship, and...
Oh, who am I kidding?
I'm sorry, everyone.
I was a fool to think I could give you a good show.
I'll never get a Lord Hater interview.
Hey, uh, my printer stopped working.
It says I need toner.
Are you Toner?
I, uh... I, uh...
You do TV here?
( stammering ) Uh, yes, sir.
Unless that would get me in trouble,
in which case, no.
How many people watch your show?
- Oh, it goes out all over. - All over, huh?
Dear viewers, it is with the deepest pride
that I present to you the man, the myth,
the leader I'm honored to serve.
The greatest in the galaxy.
Lord Hater.
Lord Hater, how are you?
Good to be here, Toner.
Listen up, and listen good.
All you poser villains out there
better recognize who the G-est in the G is.
It's Lord Hater, number one superstar.
You want a piece of me, Emperor Dork-some?
Got beef, Sandwich?
Then bring it on, losers.
I will lightning you so hard
that you'll be all, like...
Oh, sir.
Excuse me.
How dare you interrupt my righteous rant
to the galaxy?!
I'm sorry, sir. It's just that, you see,
when I said the show went out all over,
I meant all over the skull ship.
( nervous laughter ) Not the galaxy.
Wait. So who actually watches this?
Well, I don't have the exact figures handy.
It certainly has the potential to be viewed by,
you know, anyone on the ship,
so mostly Watchdogs, I think.
Watchdogs? You make a show for Watchdogs?
That's the stupidest, lamest thing ever!
I mean, really?
This show is stupid. You're stupid.
You should both be cancelled. Hater out.
Sector G, hall one, all clear.
Sector G, hall two, all clear.
Sector G, hall three, all clear.
Commander Peepers.
I promise I stopped doing my stupid show. Nothing is going on.
I know. That's the problem.
Andy fan, best show! Andy fan, best show.
Andy fan, best show!
The Watchdogs are rioting.
Apparently, they wanna watch your weird little show about them.
They claim your interviews made them feel special. Yuck!
Well, you mean, I didn't need a Hater interview?
I was making the show the Watchdogs wanted all along?
A show that made them feel special?
Wow. I mean, that... that makes me feel special.
Yeah, yeah, just make your stupid show.
Enchiladas!
Welcome to Eye On the Skull Ship,
the only show for Watchdogs, about Watchdogs,
by a Watchdog, for Watchdogs,
I am your humble host, Andy the Watchdog,
and today, I am here with Giuseppe,
the ship's tailor.
So what's your secret?
You see, the Watchdogs have the very big heads,
and the very skinny necks.
So it's all about the stretchy shirts.
Then it's about the beanies and the booties and the glovies.
If the Watchdogs don't look good,
- Giuseppe no look good. - Fascinating.
Yuck! Why would anyone watch this?
I don't know, sir. I just don't know.